Well, I never got around to making that other ghost dot.  But it’s probably just as well.  I didn’t really have the time and, based on a tiny pumpkin I tried to make, it probably wouldn’t have looked good to make something that small with worsted weight yarn (it would have lost definition and been a pain, like the pumpkin).  I’m still pleased with how the other ghost dot came out though. 

In other news, I’m feeling a bit sad.  My daydreams these days center around three things: yarn for a Gatsby sweater (ravelry link: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/gatsby-sweater), getting rich through the lottery/stock market, and houseplants.  Is that normal?  While I haven’t been out hunting for genie lamps so that I can win the lottery or predict the stock market (you think I’m kidding?), I have put in an unhealthy amount of effort into yarn and houseplants.  What constitutes unhealthy you say?  I would say spending an inordinate amount of time of my lunch breaks researching what yarn to use or what plants to grow becomes unhealthy when you add in the fact I can’t afford, nor do I need, either of these things.  In fact, in all likelihood my plants would die from either cold, lack of humidity (it is winter), or lack of sun (our apartment faces northwest; we get sun in the evening).   A. would make fun of me, or at least call me lame, but I was really excited about growing Camellia sinensis, also known as the tea plant, in our apartment.  I’m sure I could keep it warm and humid enough, but I can’t make the sun shine.  And for a plant that likes only partial shade with some sun that’s a problem.  I’m certainly not about to set up a growing light and waste electricity just to stroke my ego, but why did I have to get all excited?  And I really don’t have the money right now to spend on plants or yarn.  It’s just a bit of a let down after spending days looking up (somewhat) affordable yarns and plant care tips.  Maybe if I find a hundred dollar bill on the ground, but I don’t think it will happen otherwise. 

I know a lot of this has to do with the weather.  With the winter coming I’m thinking about staying warm (yarn) and spring (plants).  More and more I find myself wishing I was living in a warmer climate, anywhere south of New Jersey.   Did I catch the winter blues from A’s mom?  She often harps on the cold weather…but then she lives in the Snow Belt. 

And yet it also comes back to money.  I really wish I made more of it.  If I were making the same amount as A did at NJM, we’d be sitting pretty (or at least prettier).  It kind of makes me feel bad to long for a job that she quit, but I can’t help wanting more money.  What the hell am I doing here?  Shouldn’t I have a real job that would actually pay our bills just rather than slowing the bleeding?  And I can’t help but think it’s never going to get better.  I have no real ambition as to what I want to do with my life.  Teaching sounded good, but then, I’ve never really done it.  I like to think about it; I like think of how fun it would be to able to actually help and inform with some authority.  Let me explain about authority a second, though.  I don’t mean in the dictatorial or snobbish sense.  I’m just thinking back to my only experiences with teaching-like-stuff, the Boy Scouts, and thinking how much fun teaching the younger scouts sounded and then how much of a pain it was because they only listened to/respected adults.  Sometimes I get the feeling that A is right, and that school kids would walk all over me and I’d be a terrible teacher.  Teaching sounds fun, but kids are also little shits who hate their teachers.  Which brings me back to how things are never going to get better:  I have no backup plans or alternatives.  I’m just going to shift from one pointless dead-end job to the next, just like I’ve done all my work-life.  And even if I had an idea of what I wanted to do, I can’t really do it.  I’m not a good enough student nor can I afford to go back to school.  A. had her savings to get her through school.  I won’t have any of that unless I sell all my stocks or wait another one to two years.  But my stocks shouldn’t really be sold right now (or for those reasons), and after another year or two of saving I don’t think that I’ll either be able to get into school or compete once I’m in (and I probably will be even less motivated than I am now).  So that’s it.  I’m one of those losers who say they’ll just work a year before getting their degree, but then never goes back to school.  I used to think that was idiotic, now I am one. 

I don’t feel that I’m providing anything practical.  If I didn’t exist, A could live in on-campus housing (for probably not much more money, maybe less), have friends, and though she’ll deny it she would be better off and happier.  What am I really good for?  I’m not contributing enough income to the household, I don’t keep up with the housework, I’m not keeping up with my goals/expectations of myself, I’m barely keeping up with providing human interaction with A,  I am not fun, or funny, or dorky in a cute way, I feel like I’ve gone sour or stagnant.  I have nothing to look forward to in my life except being disappointed as I am now.  What happened to those times when I was young and full of promise?  When I thought I could do things?  What do I even do now?  I’m thinking really hard about what I want to do, but all I feel is apathy.  No, not apathy, because I’m not disinterested in my future; it’s more like uncertainty and hopelessness.  I don’t know what I want, and every possible course seems hopeless.  Working hard won’t get me anywhere, despite what the clichés tell me.  Success is all about luck and chance.  If only I’d win the lottery…but for that I’d have to buy a ticket.

I'm back! I'm reviving this blog to shamelessly whore my crochet projects to the inter-webs.  I may do other things, like talk about my geeky interests.  But here, look first upon flip-flops made accessible to the common man:

Flip-Flop Toe Protectors

This pattern is incredibly simple.  All you need to do is crochet a rectangle.  You then wrap this rectangle around the thong and sew it using the tail end of your thread.  And voila! No more sore toes from sharp plastic flip-flops.

Row 1: Chain 8ish, Sc into second chain from the hook.  Sc to end.

 Row 2-7ish: Chain 1, and Sc to the end.

 Fasten off and weave in your original tail.  Use your new tail to sew the piece around your thong. 

NOTE:  I use “ish” in the pattern because your flip flops may be bigger or smaller than the ones I made this for (which were smalls).  Use these numbers as a basis, and hold up your project to your flip-flop as you go. You may need to add or subtract stitches/rows, but don’t worry; it’s still just a rectangle.